#26 Find Your Unique Gift & Fulfill Your Dreams - with Jordan Gray

Its time to talk about purpose and fulfillment on the Evolving Man podcast. Jordan Gray - a sex and relationship coach who has written 10 books - joins me for an in-depth talk about how to find your unique gift and fullfill your dreams. We all face these big questoins in our lives: 

"What am I here to do?"
"How can I do that thing I'm passionate about?"
"When should I make the move? "


When you're asking these questions, Jordan is the man with the fuel to dump on your fire. He helps his clients find their passion, find their 'why', and remove the barriers holding them back. He has written 500+ articles on relationships, sex, emotional intelligence, and masculinity, and he drops a whole dump truck of enthusiastic passion on this episode. 

We all want to live a life where we're creating every day and serving a cause that fulfills us. So many of us get stuck in the start-up phase of a new venture, facing obstacles like analysis paralysis, self-doubt, unrealistic expectations, and loss of energy. These things get in the way of achieving our goals, and they often keep us stuck in a “safe” position. We're left wondering how to get over the initial minefield of roadblocks that get in the way of our progress, stuck in a life of mediocrity.

If you want to dig deeper in to your purpose, find more passion in your life, and life a life of greatness, this one is for you. We'll outline the do's and don'ts of creating something that you’re passionate about. If you need a pep talk to get you started on that thing you've been delaying forever, listen to this episode on repeat.

Quick notes to remember from this session:

  1. Its going to be hard

  2. Its not about what you get. Its about what you give. 

  3. See through your own bullshit and your limitations. 

  4. Don’t do it on your own. Use authentic relationships to find out the truth. 

  5. Plateau’s and false achievements are normal and predicted. Respond accordingly. 

  6. Upfront energy consumption is high. Use whatever you have to as fuel. 

  7. Entropy - All machines break down without maintenance and energy. Give energy where needed. 

  8. Use your laser focus to get things done. 

  9. Compete with yourself - when you’re engaged in your own passion, there are no competitors. 

  10. Have faith, but take action. 

On this episode we cover:

  • Creating a life where your work is your passion. It is possible for YOU.

  • The trap of looking for the ultimate 'trick or hack' to get successful ASAP

  • The Do's and Don'ts of starting a business centred around your passion

  • "Abundance mindset" VS "scarcity mindset"

  • The Lone Wolf - trading humility and relationship for ego, fast success, and isolation.

  • Collaboration - the key ingredient in exponentially increasing the success of your endeavours.

  • The paradox of success - the goal you thought you wanted was actually just a milestone on your path

  • The antidote to lacklustre goal achievement - choosing larger more "unachievable" goals 

  • Start-up energy expenditure and how to deal with it

  • The power of isolated lazer-focus 

  • The dangers of spreading yourself too thin

  • Finding right things to focus on - aligning with your values

  • Making space in your life for new results

  • Inner work - overcoming the belief that you do not deserve success

  • The two major ways that we sabotage our own progress - overinflation (narcissism) and underinflation (self-deprecation).

  • Collusion - a way that we hold each other down and keep each other blind because we're afraid to be honest.

  • The value of authentic relationships in finding the Truth in your life

  • The danger of piggy-backing and copying the success of others

  • Competing with yourself - Rather than competing and comparing to others - how other competitors and comparison will take you off target. 

  • Faith (the non-religious kind) - the antidote to the fear that holds you back. 

  • Finding a passion that aligns with your values, and pursuing it in a sustainable way.

This episode is packed full of useful quotes, inspirational tidbits, and loaded with wisdom for those who want to step further in to bringing their unique gifts to the world. Please share this with your friends and family who need it. We all need some motivation, inspiration, and a gentle push in the direction of our ultimate creation. 

Jordan Gray Evolving Man Podcast - Purpose, Passion, Fulfillment

You can find Jordan at: Jordan Gray Consulting
Currently, Jordan is focussing on his writing and in-person men’s work, so if you want to download his wisdom, I highly recommend his email list. He sends out great articles every week. You can find that here.

If you enjoyed this episode, check out:

10 Rules For Success In Unleashing Your Unique Gift
Change Your Habits - Change Your Life
My other episode with Jordan, on Sex Addiction

BONUS: My personal notes from this podcast

Lessons from Jordan’s story

  • The two major shifts Jordan made from isolation to collaboration resulted in the largest exponential growth curves his business ever saw. 

  • Once Jordan achieved his major goals, he realized what he had sacrificed along the way. Read The Paradox of Success, book by John O’Neil.
    As a success metric, you can achieve a financial goal, but you can’t complete softer, bigger goals like “be of service to my fellow humans”.

  • Set shallow and short term goals as short term fuel, but more importantly set deeper goals for life-long pursuit to guide your purpose for living.

  • It is perfectly normal to feel unfulfilled when you achieve something that you thought would give you instant happiness and fulfilment. That pattern of thinking and subsequent result is quite normal. We all do it. 

  • When you have created a wave and it is rising, immediately shift your attention to a new wave to build beside (and in addition to) the one that is cresting. 

  • Laser focus is incredibly useful - Use it for a time, but then change your focus before the rest of your life falls in to atrophy.

  • Busy-ness is not what moves the needle forward, its focus on the right things that gets creates real progress. Focus on what actually matters and stay aligned with your purpose. You don’t have to just stay busy 24/7. Right-action matters.

  • Its more important to be “at bat” and not have a huge success with a piece of your project, rather than not starting at all for fear of inadequacy. 

  • The universe knows not to hand you anything until you are ready for it. You have to PROVE that you are ready first, and the results will come. Nothing of value comes without some risk. You have to let go of that thing that is comforting in the present, which is also holding you back from your bigger better future. 

  • If you don’t believe you are worthy of your ultimate partner, they will walk right in to your life and you will sabotage the relationship or never even allow yourself the opportunity in the first place. 

  • You will be scared, anxious, second-guessing yourself - use safe people in your life who will hold space and speak truth to you and keep you moving in the right direction.

  • The highest value relationship you can have in your life is someone who is willing to be honest with you at all costs and get to the TRUTH. Not what feels good. Not what we want to be true. Truth.

  • Find something that you’re passionate about that allows you to bring your gifts to the world in a sustainable way, and do that thing with increasing energy. Do not compete with anyone else. Compete with yourself.